WELCOME TO THE BENGALI WEDDING
Arranged marriages are still a widely practiced form of forming an eternal partnership where two completely unknown people tie knots for life with the initial introduction done by the help of both the families.
These relationships are more based upon the foundation of adjustments, compromises, and sacrifices and a liking for each other which blossoms into love. Bengali marriages are a mixture of pure custom, tradition and religious beliefs. It is an occasion where the entire family gather, take part in the typical Bengali ‘Adda’, regale in fanfare and remain busy in making the necessary arrangements for the invitees.
The willingness to take responsibilities, to carry out the chores or the last tidbit marketing is met with pleasure. There is a scenario of togetherness spread at every corner. Bengali marriage is a mixture of culture, tradition and rituals. It consists of numerous customs, mainly traditional, performed by the women of the house, for the new couple. The actual marriage ceremony, comprising of Vedic rituals is performed with devotion for the young couple about to set up a new life. It only takes a few hours to be completed. The social customs are certain practices which are mainly guided by the women-folk and are aptly called ‘Stri Achars'.
The Bengalimarriage ceremony like all other marriages are dependant upon numerous symbols that signifies good and evil, purity and sanctity, sexuality and other aspects of life. For instance, the colour black is not used as it indicates trite and hopelessness, while red is considered to be a sign of luck, emotion, fortune and copulation and is widely used in décor.
Banana trees are used to decorate the ‘mandap’ or the place of marriage. A banana tree produces huge number of fruits at a time. The comparison is drawn with the bride, who is also supposed to be blessed with many children. The ‘ghat’, the coconut, these all represent child bearing or pregnancy.
All these customs are meant to guide the new couple to a prosperous life and a fruitful life. These customs were more prevalent in the bygone days especially to break the unfamiliarity between the couples and help them overcome their reservations.
The actual ritual of a Bengali marriage ceremony begins with the 'Adhibas'. It is a gathering held in both the homes of the bride and the groom. It is either held on the evening before or on the day of themarriage. The elderly women of the family take an active part here. The ‘baran dala’ or a ‘koola’ i.e. a container made of bamboo, is decorated with lines drawn with sindoor.The ingredients ofthe 'baran dala' are paddy, grass, sandal, turmeric, flowers, fruits, curd, ghee, gold, silver, copper, conch shell, 'chamor' and cloth. The 'baran dala' also consists of seven beetle leaves, seven supari (beetle nuts) and seven ‘kauri’ (shell) at the bride's place while the numbers increase to nine at the groom's place. According to the West Bengal tradition, in a different platter a 'Sri' with rice and Mashkalai (variety of whole black leguminous seed yielding gram) is made. With all these the elderly folks bless the bride and the groom. The (durba) grass mixed with oil and turmeric are tied on the left hand of the bride and the right hand of the groom. According to East Bengali tradition the Adhibus ‘tatta’ or marriage items for the bride, are sent to the bride from groom's.
Dhadhimangal or Churakaran
On the day of the marriage, before the sunrise, in both the homes of the bride and the groom, their respective mothers, along with the other five ladies, bless the bride and the groom and treat them with curd and chira (crushed rice). The bride and the groom and their respective mothers and fathers have to fast till the marriage is over. If the sampradan is done by someone else other than the father, he or she has to fast through out the day too. According to the Hindu traditions fasting is common in all occasions and is a wonderful process of cleansing the body and the soul.
Nandimookh or Briddhashrddha
In the morning of the marriage, any male relative of both the bride and the groom have to perform certain rituals to please the souls of the long gone forefathers. They take a solemn vow before the commencement of the religious ceremony mentioning the purpose for which it is intended and offer prayers to Lord Ganesh and a Devi along with an auspicious symbol painted the inner wall of a room (Basudhara).
Jal soha
It is the arrangement for the water to be used by the bride and the groom to take a bath after the ‘gaye holud’. This water taken from the nearby reservoir is made to drip from the urn all along the path, till the person carrying it reaches the temple. Here water is collected from a married woman who is given lac dye (alta) and sindoor (vermillion). From the temple the married female relative goes around the neighbourhood to collect water. Later the bride and the groom in their respective houses are made to sit in the midst of four banana plants arranged at the four corners of a square plot. The ritual 'Gaye Holud' is performed and later are bathed with the water collected.
Gaye Holud
This is the main ‘Stri-Achar’. According to the Basor Ghar
On the wedding night the bride and groom stay awake the whole night and are accompanied by young people who spend the night playing games, singing and dancing and performing 'Stri Achar'.
Bashi Bibaha
The morning after the marriage is also considered important for some places. The sindur ceremony is performed and the bride and the groom offer prayers to the Sun God. Another ritual known as 'Konokanjoli' is performed where the bride throws a handful of rice grains behind her indicating the clearance of her debts to her parents. This ritual is of course obsolete.
Badhubaran
The groom returns home with the bride, the day after the marriage. The mother in law welcomes the bride while she sets her feet in her new home in a traditional Bengali style. The alpana or the design which is applied to decorate the grooms's place is known as 'Bouchatra'. The bride groom sets her feet on the alpona holding a fish in one hand and a pot of water on the other. These outdated rituals were tests to gauge the bride's capability to perform household chores and hold the husband's attention with an underline tone of sexuality. Then the bride and the groom both are blessed by the elders in the family and sweets are given to eat.
Kalratri
The night after the marriage is called Kal ratri. This night the bride is not supposed to meet the groom. This custom probably has been derived from the myth of Lakhinder and Behula in the Manasamangal Kavya, in which Lakhinder died of snakebite on this day due to the curse of Devi Manasa.
Bhat Kapar
The day next, the groom offers new garments and food in new utensils to the bride. The groom promises to take care of his better half till death through this ceremony.
Bou Bhat
A day after the marriage day is the “Bou Bhat”. This is the day when the new bride serves the guests a delicacy called ‘Ghee bhat’ (a mixture of rice with ghee). In the evening there is a get together of the two newly related families and guests.
FulSajya
At night the 'Ful Sajya' is held in the house of the groom. The bride and the groom spend their first night together in a bed of flowers. From this day, the bride and the groom are truly man and wife.
Dwiragaman
Eight days after the marriage, the bride returns to his father’s home, accompanied by her husband. This is also known as “Ashtomongola” orDwiragaman . On this day the ‘Gat chara’ is unknotted. The newly wed couple spends the night at the home of the bride.
"The Ashtomongola marks the end of the Bengali marriage ceremony."
